i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
