Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
