saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
