I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
is that a dick in a sweater?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
