The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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