Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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