If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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