roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
