I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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