I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
