he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
