Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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