We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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