Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
We had sex on a dog bed..
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize