You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
