my vag is so smooth its legendary
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
