I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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