The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize