Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
