Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
