Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
