That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
