we're chasing vodka with high fives
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
