i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
