yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
