Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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