I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
