I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
