Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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