im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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