I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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