i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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