I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
