I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
