I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
it was like eating out sand paper
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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