I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
