the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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