He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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