so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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