Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
