Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

is your mom at the bar?

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(607): View more from New York

Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.

(1-607): View more from New York

I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.

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(951): View more from California

Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?

(949): View more from California

Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.

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(620): View more from Kansas

How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?

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(917): View more from New York City

we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.

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(818): View more from California

the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes

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(408): View more from California

If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical

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(219): View more from Indiana

He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.

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(303): View more from Colorado

i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.

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