so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
