drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
