And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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