His pubic hair was longer than his dick
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
