Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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