sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
