OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
