we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
So squirting runs in the family.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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