Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
