I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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