all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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