Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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