god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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