I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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