I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
