benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
