don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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