i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
