Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
