I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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