well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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