omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
