if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
