Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
