I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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