I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
