I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize