You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
