they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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