Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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