billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Dicks are not precious.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
