what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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