She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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