we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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